Is There Hope for Us?

Developing and maintaining friendships can be very complicated. While most endeavors are approached and achieved with relative ease, such as a promotion at work, passing a class or booking airline tickets, friendships seem hardest to maintain, mainly amongst women.

Earlier this year, I asked a handful of my friends what to do when a woman finds herself in a dispute with another, and more often than not, the response was, “Give her some space, discuss it if possible, and get over it.”

“A misunderstanding is one thing, but a willful offense, quite another,” says Emicia Parker, a fashion designer at the 4W Circle of Arts and Enterprise. “I collect purses and I collect books and magazines. I do not collect people.”

DJ and graphic designer Stanley Pitton thinks people should just “get over it and get past it. Life is too short. Now if this person is dispensable, why waste your time arguing with a brick wall? Keep it moving! Life is too short.”

I don’t agree with Stanley whole-heartily but he raises an interesting conclusion. How does one determine if someone’s influence in his or her life is dispensable? And why does it seem like women would more readily denounce their friendship with another woman than a friendship with a man? Why are women still using the “I mostly have guy friends” line?

From personal experience, we as women expect more from each other. At the height of our friendships, we tell the most sordid, wonderful, private details of our encounters. With guy friends we tend to omit certain details but we give ourselves to each other. We expose ourselves to one other and when that is betrayed, we feel ashamed and naked. There is rarely any coming back from that. We hold grudges and in that space of time we make new friends, harboring this distrust toward females, we oftentimes ally ourselves with male friends.

Sure, men have been written out our books and regaining a friendship with a woman who didn’t use her best discretion is possible, but we need each other. We need to want to keep each other. Who else would give us personally crafted advice on our issues? Who else can we call when we cry at night? Men? Our psychiatrists? The Internet?

I’m not saying to entrust the same woman who betrayed you but rather desire to somehow bring peace to your relations. If you’re sorry, say you’re sorry. If not, smile at her and say “hey” or “good morning.”

If you’re inclined to discuss it with someone, keep it courteous and professional. Avoid trashing her and confrontations. Instigating a situation can only make things more volatile and if she’s the instigator ignore her. Leave the room. She is dispensable and not worth you! Friendship shouldn’t hurt but I’m beginning to think that maybe there is no hope for us unless we make a change for the better. Remember, “In as much as lies within you, live peaceably with all men.”